Remembering My Mom

Even though we are into January, I wanted to spend a little time reflecting on my mom. It was a year since her journey to Heaven on December 11th. There are so many things that I miss about her and the role she played in my life:

1. I miss the simple things like her smile and the smell of her perfume (which I didn't appreciate until she was gone).

2. I miss hearing her voice, but I still hear her in my head and the way she would say hello when we would walk in the door or her reaction to some day to day occurrence.

3. I miss her phone calls to see how I was doing and if I needed anything.

4. I miss the warmth of her home and her welcoming arms whenever I wanted to stop by.

5. I miss how much she loved my kids and how she would play with them. Each milestone that they achieve makes me think of her and makes me so sad that she missed it.

6. I miss the way she could pull the family together for holidays.

7. I miss her listening ear whenever I needed to vent.

8. I miss her sense of humor. She was one of a kind with her practical jokes.

9. I miss her simple faith and servant heart. She was full of love and always put others first.

10. I miss her companionship when she would come visit me during the day and I was at home feeling frazzled with the kids.

To put it into one sentence, my mom was my best friend and was always there for me. Now she is gone and it has left a huge hole in my heart. No one can take her place. I think about her daily and I daydream that she is going to show up some day and surprise me. Some days can get very long and unbearable. Sometimes I feel very alone and I feel that others do not understand what I am going through. To others, my mom has come and gone. To me, my mom is gone but forever missed. I will never be the same person I was.

Remembering back to her last week, I can hear her say her last words to me. She was in a coma and had not talked all day. We were saying our goodbyes and it was just Ben and I at her bedside. We were telling her how much she meant to us, how much she would be missed, and how much we loved her. We gave her a hug and she said in a whisper but clear as day "I love you". It meant so much that we knew that she heard what we were telling her.

My family spent the next three days around the clock by her bedside. We watched her breathing slow down. The nurses told us that we were struggling more than she was. This gave me some peace of mind, but is was still unbearable to watch. My mom had one foot in Heaven and one here still on earth. When she took her last breath, her eyes opened and she lifted her arms. I thought she was trying to say something and give me a hug, but I soon realized she was reaching out for the arms of Jesus. The whole family was there at her bedside and it was such a surreal moment. It was something you don't want to be there for, but at the same time I can't imagine missing it. There was actually a moment of relief and closure. Her suffering was no more and she now has a new body in Heaven with no cancer. My drive for each day is that I will see her again someday!

God is so faithful and I can feel His comforting presence on the hard days. This whole experience has made me realize how short life is and how important it is to appreciate each moment with loved ones. Never take for granted the days you have with your family. I lost my mom when I was 29, and I was blest to have her that long even though I would take another 29+ years.